Slowly, Everything is Made Right

Went to my OB appointment on Friday morning for a cervical biopsy or a Colposcopy.

Hurt like a bitch. You know it's bad when your practitioner goes, "Ooooo I know that hurt, sorry!"

Ugh. I love my OB-GYN but she's definitely a bit of a ditz. She said they will only call me back if my results are abnormal. If it they are abnormal then the first option for me is to have a "leek" (I think). Which is a shave of my cervix basically... That sounds fun. She said that even if the results are normal but I keep having abnormal pap-smears they could do a leek as well. I don't really think I would elect to have my cervix shaved if it wasn't absolutely necessary though...

Bellydancing was Friday night. So much fun! I am kind of shy. Even though I lost weight and have successfully maintained that weight loss, I still have a lot of self-esteem issues. I feel ugly and fat a lot of the time. This class is in a mirrored room. It is good to see myself in a mirror with other women. It helps keep my self-image more accurate. I always think everyone is so much thinner or firmer or whatever. But when I actually see myself in a mirror next to other women that I think are smaller, I check myself and realize that I'm not as big as my brain thinks I am!

As far as dancing in front of lots of other people, I've just got to fake it until I make it! I feel slightly embarrassed but I am giving it my all and pretending to be the most confident person in the room! HA! :-D

Saturday was Autumn and Emily's (Aria's cousin) birthday parties in Phoenix.

I had to meet Brian's parents for the first time ever. The 2 hour drive up there was slightly nervewracking. When we got there I saw Jenie (Brian's ex) and Jessy (Brian's brother's wife and Emily's mama) I immediately flocked to them. As weird as it is, Jenie and I have become friends. We have our children in common among many other things. There used to be a jealousy issue (on both sides) but we've really gotten over it.

Jenie and Jessy are sisters, yes two sisters married two brothers... It's defintely not the weirdest part of everything that has happened. Anyway, I get along with both of them and so Aria and I bolted to their side when we first got there. The party was at Brian's parents house but no one came out when we first got there. I felt EXTREMELY awkward. His dad finally came out after about ten minutes and shook my hand and smiled and cooed at Aria. He left quickly but said he would be right back.

He is an amateur photog. and he took so many pics of Aria. It was cute. He's a really nice man and a seemingly great grandpa.

Anyway, party goes on and Brian's mom NEVER comes out of her room. I guess she is really close with Jenie and sees her as a daughter and Brian didn't tell her about me and Aria until a few days before the party (She has known for a while but Bri didn't talk to her until recently). I started to feel really ashamed and embarassed. And I felt bad that my presence kept the girls grandma from attending their birthday party.

After we had been there for a few hours I just flat out asked J&J if Mama (that is what everyone calls Brian's mom) was boycotting because of me. Everyone insisted, "Oh no! She's just not feeling well today" Blah, Blah, Blah.

Maybe 30 minutes later, she comes out of her room "coughing" and saying how sick she feels. Well, she said hi and looked at Aria and didn't hold her because she didn't "want to get her sick".
She did seem to warm up after a while, though. And we talked for a long time. They even bought Aria a cute outfit for when she's a bit older.

She told me that even though it was very wrong for Brian to keep the secrets he kept that she knows he learns from his mistakes and she has faith that he won't lie to me again. Hearing that really warmed my heart and made me feel so much more comfortable around everyone. Especially knowing that Mama really loves Jenie.

We finally got home around 9 PM and I put zoot down and she slept until 5 am!!! IT WAS AWESOME! She did the same thing Sunday night, too, but I put her down at 7 Sunday. So she slept from 7-5... 10 hours straight. My boobs were RIDICULOUS! It really felt like they might rip open.

When I nursed her at five, there was so much milk that she only needed one boob. So I pumped the other after she went back down and got four ounces.

Last night she did almost as good but she got up at 3:30. I will still take that, though.

This is already super long and I have lots of homework to do! TTFN! :-D